Real estate agents Woodards today listed a fire-damaged weatherboard house on Collins Street Thornbury for the hot price of $1.25 million.

Above: the house in question.

That’s right millennials and zoomers; if we stopped smashing avos we could instead take a sledgehammer to the blackened boards of our own residential disaster. It’s not the market at fault, it’s us.

The listing says the property has “weathered some significant wear-and-tear” but features air conditioning, ducted heating and cooling, floorboards, and an outdoor entertaining area.

There’s no mention on whether the outdoor entertaining area is around the back or in the front room, and photos in the listing suggest those boards might need some work…

Screenshot: from Woodards’ realestate.com.au listing.

I’m sure that will buff out. And anyway, the listing states this house is “a fabulous challenge for renovators“.

Keen to start that handy homeowner life but don’t have the cash up-front? The on-listing home loan calculator estimates payments to be $4,975 per month – roughly equivalent to 1,990 avocados.

While we understand the well-located 394m² block is probably worth a fair bit, even in the area this seems a bit steep for a site requiring at least some building before move-in. For around the same (still-impossible) outlay you’re in contention for many houses in the area, including some pretty nice places listed by the same agents in nearby Northcote. You’ll have to bring your own fire to those though.

(This article is reflecting on the inaccessibility of Melbourne’s housing market. We feel for the previous tenants of this house – recovering from fire is never easy.)